Updated: Nov 8, 2020
We are moved in the most profound ways when it concerns love. We live beyond ourselves and push ourselves to the limit for attachment. However, can we love without the realization that love is meant to be given and not received? For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son…right? (John 3:16) Love is giving. It never said…For God so loved the world that He gave His son in hopes that such love would be returned. Here is what I find to be the most charming about God. He provides answers for all things in the way He gave love. I'm not saying that we shouldn't expect love in return, not at all. But what I am saying is that love is the greatest commandment given by God. So, why is it so hard? Why can't love manifest the way it looks in the movies with family or romantic partners? Love is insanity, and insanity can't be defined or exist with boundaries. Love creates a space in our souls that makes the presence of another person a necessity. Immaturely, because of my experiences, I expected the love I defined as real and authentic.
There is no worse place to exist than within the expectancy of criteria (created by your experiences) to be met by another human being to achieve personal happiness. This is prison because our definition of love will evolve, ALWAYS, as love is infinite. Each time my spirit becomes uncomfortable with a thought, I sit in it on purpose. I face it. I stand up like the Hulk in front of it because it's the only way I will survive. Because I've seen the opposite of love from so many people, I have a long list of things not to do. So, earlier today, I sat down and talked to my wife about a thought I had. What if we accepted that a human being could never love us the way we deserve and or expect. But we were created to do our best while allowing love to manifest through us along the way. I find this to be consistent with the process of creation. Let there be……(no finality). And now, this (love) can only be accomplished by God. Why? God doesn't have an ego; thus, there could never be a moment in our lives where God defines love as a choice. God's only desire becomes loving us in this sense.
Humanity was given the ego to balance the id (the impulsive response) and the superego (a conscious reflection of choice) as the governor. The reason God has no ego, I believe, is this. God doesn't need to balance consciousness because God is spirit. Humanities' most significant weakness is its attempt to quantify right and wrong rationally. This is why LOVE (God) is needed, and faith is necessary to love anyone or anything. The balance(ego) between the two (id and superego) is subjective, and love is needed to access our Divinity, God (love) within. Thus, I deduce that we can't truly experience the fullness of God's love without self-love. The spirit of God is God's commitment (covenant or marriage) to humanity. This idea also supports my theory that all religions are cultural interpretations of God. Therefore, because God needed to make Himself accessible to ALL people, God had to exist without forming any image. If this were the case, God would make His love inaccessible to people different than ourselves. Can you imagine God's true nature if He only belonged to one group of people, to one culture or one nation? God is EVERYWHERE because God is spirit. And I find it most sacrificial that God passed on visibility in exchange for access to love ALL of humanity. What a love, right? What a God? What if we took on this ideology when it comes to love as well? A love that needs no position or recognition. A love that is ONLY present to provide a need without needing anything in return.
Love for self is the most compromised and under-taught divine concept. I can relate to this most of all. After all, I stayed in relationships, jobs, and churches full of trauma because I was taught to be loyal even at my expense. We cannot rightfully exist within situations that don't serve our wellbeing. Now, culture teaches women (especially) to be submissive despite the way they're treated.
For this reason, domestic violence, rape, molestation, and worse happens in our society because loyalty is taught to be more critical than self-love. Loyalty responds to a broken little girl with words like, well, that's still your family. You have to protect them no matter what. We are made to face our abusers every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and holiday because they're family. Sweeping these things under the rug is not love. Addressing a person's trauma, acknowledging it, and protecting the person harmed IS love. The idea of self-love initiated this theory for me. If we accept that no one, no human being, could ever TRULY love us the way WE define love, we will be a little freer from disappointment. Hurt can't exist if there isn't a measure for satisfaction. The only true love we will ever have will come from God. I used to hear the elders in the family tell the younger generation that every person you meet will disappoint and hurt you somehow. Think about it. If we as human beings already come loaded with experiences that shape us, then we will all fall short of loving the way others personally define love. This is why we must free others from such expectations. God is our creator, and ONLY God can completely love us to satisfaction. However, if I love with hopes of being loved the way I define love, I will always be disappointed. We all will.
Love is giving, but self-love is necessary to survive the lack of love humanity was never meant to provide. Eve was created to accompany Adam, not to define his happiness by the way she expressed love. The love of God completes us all because HE only knows our composition. For God so loved….that He gave. Of course, we've heard that love is an action. I think love is more than that. Self-Love is a disposition that allows us to love others healthily. When you choose to give it, love is the position we place ourselves in willingly to provide support for a person's wellbeing. The worst human experience we can have is that of expected love. Can you imagine waiting for a train, hoping to get home (where you feel safe), never scheduled? Assuming a person to love you, the way you define love is like waiting for an unscheduled train.
What's even worse is when we provide the "perfect" love to others (via our own opinion), and it is not acknowledged or recognized as such, we feel depleted. You can't be angry because love is different for everyone. Our experiences, good and bad, create the structure holding our ideology of love. Opposites attract because of the soul's recognition in another the things in which it lacks. Thus, opposites complement each other in a significant way. When a person has different experiences than I do, they have a different perspective. Different perspectives are the expression of God's soul manifested within humanity until the end of time. We will never truly understand why and how to love a person holistically. Thus, being our true selves is most important when meeting people because what we present as ourselves may not always be honest. Oh, the many faces we wear with insecurity underneath.
Couples that have been together over 40-50 years love each other more profoundly because they've paid the toll of time to get a glimpse of the sum of a partner. God is the ONLY entity that could ever truly love us because God can't be restrained by time. Liberation from time is what makes God's perspective complete. Since we don't have the advantage of the total view, we must love and accept people as they are and protect ourselves from what their idea of love defines us as, if harmful. Self-love is the door to experiencing satisfying love from everyone and everything. God's love is automatic. It comes with the life we are given. Thus, we were created with all the love we'd ever need within ourselves and from God. When we allow ourselves to continue in harmful situations and relationships, we don't love ourselves. When we don't love ourselves, we can not fully experience the satisfying love of God.
If you're wondering how to love yourself, start with visual self-love. You could start with things like post-its, affirmations, daily devotionals, counseling, and much more. This will allow you to change the setting around your spirit-self into a more inviting space. You have to practice self-love until it takes effect on your beliefs. Creating an environment of self-love also means surrounding yourself with people who give love that shows empathy and is considerate, compassionate, and giving. Love is reciprocal and should never be one-sided, so beware of leaches. Nonetheless, choose the love that produces the best of you.